Visiting my girl

Today I got to go to the Center to see my girl. I was so excited to be able to spend the afternoon with her. She looked happy when she came around the corner and I was on the couch waiting for her. We hung out all afternoon, just the two of us. She laid on the couch with me and I just held her and we talked about our kids, our life, our happy times, some sad times. We talked about the future and about her struggles with her ED. I find myself falling more in love with her now that she is opening up to me. I think that she always thought that I would be driven from her if I found out about her struggles, but it is having the opposite effect on me, I love her more now than I did months ago. I find that the more she lets me into her feelings and thoughts, the more sympathy and understanding I have towards her plight. I miss her, it is hard to give her a hug and a kiss and walk out those doors and drive home for four hours, but it is worth it to me. I want to win her back from her ED. It has won so many battles against me over the years that I feel now is the time for me to win those battles back and get my girl back. Whatever it takes. I will go down there as often as they will allow me if it is going to be beneficial to Jane. I need her back with me and I want her to be whole and healed. I left the Center happy and hopeful. Jane seemed liked she was doing better yesterday than ever since I dropped her off and that gave me hope and encouragement. So I left with a happy heart, but sad body. The body wants her here with me to hold and to love, the heart wants her to get the help she needs and get control over her life again. I left at about 9 pm. I was worried about falling asleep on the way home but my brother called me right after I left and we talked till I  got half way home. I stopped at Arby's and the guy on the drive through intercom gave me a fish sandwhich rhyme. I replied with a rhyme of my own that was quite good and long and then ordered three Jr. roast beef sandwiches. The workers like my rap (as they referred to it) so much that they gave me a fourth sandwich for free and offered me a free drink. I declined on the drink as I already had a open Dr. Pepper sitting there but cheerfully accepted the free sandwich and parted with another short rhyme. One of my friends called me shortly thereafter and he talked me for an hour. Then another friend called and he talked me home, so I arrived home at about 1:45, having been kept safe by my band of brethren. I have such good friends. They just look out for me, most the time I don't think they know what they are doing, the Lord is just taking care of me in little ways. I found my mother here, kids were asleep, house was clean and my mother was tired. We chatted for a bit and then she left and I went to bed.
I woke this morning to the kids fighting..... charming isn't it. After not being able to take it any longer, I finally got up and showered and shaved. It was good to see the kids, they missed me. The girls bathed in my tub and then I got there hair done and dressed. I sat down and planned my lesson for church today. It was on the Plan of Salvation. I put together all the scriptures I wanted to use, then figured I would rely on the Lord for the presentation part. I had a few minutes to spend with my oldest boy. I think he is struggling a bit with his mom gone, he is sad and not afraid to tell me so when I ask. This is a hard deal on the kids, they are putting up with it and dealing with the emotions but it is not easy on them. They need their mom here, but they also realize that their mom needs to be down there right now. That is a tough battle for these little chilluns to understand. We finished getting ready and we headed out the door and got to church on time. I was asked to teach the youth today. I love teaching. I think I am happiest when I have the scriptures in my hand, a room full of people and a lesson to teach. Those are my happiest hours. Some would say I am crazy, but whenever I am teaching, it is when I feel the most joy. I love teaching the gospel of Christ. I especially love teaching a room full of youth.  I long for that. It is my passion. Very few things, outside my family relationships, get me fired up and excited as teaching. The lesson went well, I had a few tears that came out of the young men, towards the end I had 100% of their attention and they loved my lesson. So I am grateful for the Spirit and that I could be an instrument in helping them feel it.

So one of my all time favorite memories of Jane came back to my memory last night as I was driving home. This was a few years ago, her brother and I had gone hunting in the mountains and we had a miserably cold, snowy, unsuccessful hunt. I pulled in the driveway by myself, pulling the horse trailer with a few horses in it. I pulled back to the corrals and backed up and got out and started unloading the horses and some gear. Jane saw that I was home, after being gone for a few days, and she came out the garage door and ran across the yard, past my truck and right into my arms. We hugged and kissed for a moment. That made me so happy. It was a small thing but I could see that she was excited to see me and that meant everything to me. I had some love language discussion with the guys yesterday while waiting for the plane to take off (funny right, of all things to talk about) I told them that Jane loved to have me give her thoughtful gifts and experiences. For me, the gifts are not as important. I do love having experiences with my wife as well, but what really shows that Jane loves me is when she touches me and when she shows me affection. So when I saw her run across the yard to me and hug me, I was the happiest guy in the world. I knew that my wife missed me and that meant everything to me right then. I am going to try a lot better to show my love to Jane in whatever way she needs. I hope that she will do the same so that we can both feel the passionate love that we have for each other. We are both so different but we both want to feel loved, wanted and needed. It just takes different things for us both to feel that. It is fine that we are different, that is what makes life so interesting. But we should not neglect the other persons communication level simply because it is not our own. I need to adapt and change, and I will. It is going to be so much easier knowing what Jane needs from me in the coming years because we have opened the channels of communication and will continue to open more of them up. I like that, it makes me happy. And, I love my girl!!!