My love for you will ALWAYS be stronger than your eating disorder

I am struggling with your struggle lately. I just want us to move on to the next step of the process to where you find peace with yourself. I just don't know what I can do to help you. It pains me inside that you don't feel good about who you are. It is so obvious to me what and who you are. Imagine if it was me who felt like I was worthless, ugly and a terrible person, even when you know it is the complete opposite. What would you say to me? What words would you use to try to help me understand what I really am? This is a tough position for us, because your perception of yourself is everything, regardless of the realities that I see. I really would like to know the things that I do that make you feel loved. I know you like it when I put thought into things that I am going to give or do for you. But what else? What is the nicest thing that I have ever done for you? What is the one nice or loving thing that I have said to you that you really believed me when I said it? What is the most favorite memory of us? I feel like there have been times in our life together where you actually believed that you were loved, beautiful, and special. There has to be, Satan can't whisper to you all the time, God has worked in your life stronger than you recognize. We watched a Mormon message this morning about Gordon B. Hinckley and a story he shared from his father. He gave this talk in 1993 in General Conference-

“An older boy and his young companion were walking along a road which led through a field. They saw an old coat and a badly worn pair of men’s shoes by the roadside, and in the distance they saw the owner working in the field.

“The younger boy suggested that they hide the shoes, conceal themselves, and watch the perplexity on the owner’s face when he returned.

“The older boy … thought that would not be so good. He said the owner must be a very poor man. So, after talking the matter over, at his suggestion, they concluded to try another experiment. Instead of hiding the shoes, they would put a silver dollar in each one and … see what the owner did when he discovered the money. So they did that.

“Pretty soon the man returned from the field, put on his coat, slipped one foot into a shoe, felt something hard, took it out and found a silver dollar. Wonder and surprise [shone] upon his face. He looked at the dollar again and again, turned around and could see nobody, then proceeded to put on the other shoe; when to his great surprise he found another dollar. His feelings overcame him. … He knelt down and offered aloud a prayer of thanksgiving, in which he spoke of his wife being sick and helpless and his children without bread. … He fervently thanked the Lord for this bounty from unknown hands and evoked the blessing of heaven upon those who gave him this needed help.

“The boys remained [hidden] until he had gone.” They had been touched by his prayer and felt something warm within their hearts. As they left to walk down the road, one said to the other, “Don’t you have a good feeling?”


We talked this morning before the kids left for school, about what gave the good feeling, or what brought them peace. I explained to the kids that Christ has suffered all. We are not greater than He is. This is mortality where we are given the opportunity to experience the good and the bad, the joy and the sorrow. I asked each of the kids to think about the phrase, "Peace be unto thy soul" and then I asked them what brought peace to their souls. The answers surprised me. My oldest son said his piano music brought him peace. My second son said our devotionals and prayer. My youngest son said being outside with the dogs and playing with them. My oldest daughter said that talking on the phone to you and seeing you brought peace. My second oldest daughter said that prayer and loving each other brought her peace. And baby girl said that family brought her peace. I did not answer the question this morning, but I have rather thought about it throughout the day. One of the things that brings me great peace is writing to you. I don't know why this is, but when I write to you, I feel like the conduits of inspiration are opened to me and my mind is able to process my thoughts and feelings more clear, even to the transformation from thought into word. Sometimes I look what I have written and wonder where those words came from. So in the simplest of terms, I find peace in letting you into my mind, into my thoughts and into my heart. When I can accurately portray who I am to you, I am at peace. I want you to understand me and that gives me peace to my mind. So the question I would ask you, what brings peace to your soul? What is it that can help you to calm down, sets the anxiety aside, and lets your mind rest for a few minutes? I am not a therapist, nor am I educated in many formal ways, but I do know that the Savior of mankind promised that "Peace I give unto you." and I know that He always give us what He promises. Find that peace, even as small as it may be. Find it and focus on it. Grow it, nurture it and it will grow. That peace that may seem small to you when you finally feel it  will grow until it can be felt more easily, until you recognize it more. Just like you finally found our that you have been feeling anxiety all of these years, there is a moment coming to you soon that you will realize that you have also been feeling peace all of these years. I love you, you know I do. Everything that I do is for you. My whole life is based around you. So either I am crazy (which at times I am!) or I am right in making you the 100% focus of my life. Find peace in knowing that I will always be here for you, even when the times get tough. I will always come for you. I may be late at times, but I will always be there for you. I love you, and I want to love you back to health again. Like I told you last week, my love for you will ALWAYS be stronger than your eating disorder, always!!! Find peace in that, find peace in us, look for that peace in Christ who descended below all to raise us above all! And..... I love my Girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!