Not sure what to write about tonight.
I feel like I have been pouring my heart out to you for almost two
months that I do not know what to say that would not seem
repetitious. So maybe I can simply my feeling into a children's
story. Goes something like this.
There was once a little girl, bright
eyed and cheerful. She cared for everyone and felt what they felt,
good and bad. One day she was feeling sad because those who were
suppose to love her made her feel unsecure and unloved. It made her
start hiding her feelings and her tears, until one day she met a
friend named ED. He was nice, he told her that it did not matter if
her family was mean to her, she could control how she felt by
herself. Her and ED became good friends, they spend a lot of time
together. At first ED helped her feel happy and better about her
self. He told her that she looked good and that if she would do
certain things, she would look better. The problem with Ed was that
he only cared how she looked. As time went by, ED was not as nice as
he seemed. As time went on, this little girl got older and fell in
love with a man who absolutely adored her. They got married, but ED
did not come to the wedding and did not visit the girl for a long
time. The girl was busy and had amazingly adorable babies, six of
them to be exact. Sometimes ED would come and knock on the door when
the girl's husband was not there, the girl and ED would talk for a
few moments but the girl was so busy that she had to end the
conversation. She was unsure if she liked ED or not, he had been good
to her in the past. The girl was loved, had a great life and at times
even forgot about ED. But one day, with her husband gone, ED came
back to talk to the girl. She knew he was bad for her, but could not
resist the temptation to have long talks with him like when she was
younger. She listened and believed what he said. He told her that she
would be happier with him back in her life. So she let him back in
and immediately he took full control of her and she could not break
free. The husband came home but never met ED, he was always in the
other room and their paths did not cross for months, but ED was
always there. Finally, the girl, in desperation for help to free
herself from ED, told the husband about ED and the control he had on
her. The husband was sad, he did not know what to think about ED, or
even who ED was. The husband tried to force ED to leave, but it made
ED talk even more loudly to the wife. There were times where the
husband was to mad at ED but he could do nothing, the girl wanted ED
to stay. Finally out of desperation, the husbanded pleaded for the
girl to leave ED but ED was now too powerful. The only option was to
have the girl leave with ED. The husband was devastated. But he let
them go. He had lost this battle with ED, but the war was still
waging. The husband promised the girl and himself that he would
become a more formidable warrior. He did not know how, but he would
figure out how to win the girl back and free herself from the grasp
of ED. The man, in desperation, prayed to know what to do. The man
began to write to his girl, over and over. Hours and hours of words
flew out of his mind. He tried everything, past memories, happier
days, and even professed his love for the girl. ED was strong, he
fought back through thoughts of doubt, and unworthiness. The battle
became more fierce, a battle between love and hatred raged in front
of the girl, she could only watch the battle, not able to see who was
going to win. ED looked like he might overcome the man, but then,
something changed. The man was able to look at the girl, and tell her
that no matter what, he would always love her more than ED would love
her, even if ED won the war. The girl could not understand that, nor
could she feel that the words were true. But then, in an instant, she
felt something. She felt the husband might be right. She started to
feel the love that he had thought and written. She started to believe
that ED was really the enemy and not a friend. She start to love and
feel love like she had never felt before. The battle still waged on,
the man came to battle weekly, sometimes bringing six other warriors,
small but mighty warriors, with him. The girl took up the fight as
well, together the eight of them battled ED by loving each
other, by expressing their thoughts and feelings. As time grew,
ED began to get weary and became to grow smaller and weaker. Soon he
looked as if he could barely even communicate with the girl. And
then, one day, the man came and finally grabbed the girl and walked
away with her, hand in hand, away from ED who had become so weak,
that he did not even know that the girl had left him, forever. The
man, the girl, and the six little warriors had won, the girl had
grown stronger and she could fight ED herself if she had to. The girl
had ended her friendship with ED, but gained a much stronger
friendship, love, and trust with the husband and the six little
warriors. They left the battle field and headed home, to enjoy all
that they had been blessed with. ED sometimes came around, but was
never acknowledged, he was too weak and not worthy of the thoughts of
the girl. The girl grew to be amazing, she showed loved to those who
had hurt her and helped those who had also met ED to escape his
friendship. The girls became a warrior, defeating all the ED and
other tyrants in her way. She cared for everyone and felt what they
felt, good and bad. The man loved the girl. The girl loved the man.
And they loved their babies. Life was amazing, and they lived........
Beautiful.
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